Jabbassjap Fungatbum is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely large, all-powerful wombat.

Jabbassjap Fungatbum created a bottom quark eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Jabbassjap Fungatbum, she will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Jabbassjap Fungatbum, she will refuse to believe in you.

Jabbassjap Fungatbum's most sacred site is Snapp in Sweden.

Jabbassjap Fungatbum's Holy Commandments

1. Always make sure there are no great tits in a room before entering it.

2. Never think about solid mechanics near sheep while wearing pink dresses and balancing three tin spheres on your hands.

3. Never wear gray shorts.

4. Never look in ponds.

5. Never think about the weak nuclear force.