Hamwongen is a god.

He takes the form of a rotund, pitiless seal.

Hamwongen created the Sunflower Galaxy nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Hamwongen, he will approve.

If you do not believe in Hamwongen, he will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Hamwongen's most sacred site is Pisterzo in Italy.

Hamwongen's Holy Commandments

1. Show mercy to disobedient children.

2. Never eat aubergines.

3. Never write about asteroids.

4. Pray towards the west.

5. Do not speak about gooseberries.