Tarphunbastten is a god.

He takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, awe-inspiring armadillo.

Tarphunbastten created humankind seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Tarphunbastten, he will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Tarphunbastten, he will manifest in front of you.

Tarphunbastten's most sacred site is Yerakini in Greece.

Tarphunbastten's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about the strong nuclear force near snails while wearing fawn kilts and balancing three iron spheres on your legs.

2. Always pray in complete darkness.

3. Never think about the weak nuclear force near swans while wearing orange ear rings and balancing eight copper spheres on your arms.

4. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

5. Never wear yellow scarves.