Gutwotmum Naklitgem Cudbissfoss is a god.

It takes the form of a very heavy, happy salamander.

Gutwotmum Naklitgem Cudbissfoss created time and space four million years ago.

If you believe in Gutwotmum Naklitgem Cudbissfoss, it will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Gutwotmum Naklitgem Cudbissfoss, it will curse you with boils.

Gutwotmum Naklitgem Cudbissfoss' most sacred site is Bogogobo in Botswana.

Gutwotmum Naklitgem Cudbissfoss' Holy Commandments

1. Feed all hungry manatees.

2. Worship no other gods but Gutwotmum Naklitgem Cudbissfoss.

3. Do not drink water in turquoise rooms.

4. Do not covet oxen.

5. Never talk about quantum gravity near tortoises while wearing blue ear rings.