Vonflowyarlmon is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly fat, unselfish hydra.

Vonflowyarlmon created tapeworms nine million years ago.

If you believe in Vonflowyarlmon, she will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Vonflowyarlmon, she will curse you and those you beget for twenty six billion years.

Vonflowyarlmon's most sacred site is Romlund in Denmark.

Vonflowyarlmon's Holy Commandments

1. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

2. Never wear indigo shoes.

3. Do not eat oranges.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

5. Hide from mauve snails for they are unholy.