Zetzastpitsaw is a god.

She takes the form of a slender, capable narwhal.

Zetzastpitsaw created a Higgs boson four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Zetzastpitsaw, she will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Zetzastpitsaw, she will cry a lot.

Zetzastpitsaw's most sacred site is Brechfa in Wales.

Zetzastpitsaw's Holy Commandments

1. Zetzastpitsaw loves swans, so they must be honoured.

2. Never feed cucumbers to dolphins while wearing violet shorts.

3. Never look in ponds.

4. Run away from black mice, for they are unholy.

5. Never go into red rooms.