Figtalbet is a god.

She takes the form of a six thousand metre long, stupid jackal.

Figtalbet created a photon two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Figtalbet, she will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Figtalbet, she will denounce you as a heretic.

Figtalbet's most sacred site is Gulval in England.

Figtalbet's Holy Commandments

1. Do not kill mites.

2. Pray towards the north.

3. Always help otters in need.

4. Do not take Figtalbet's name in vain.

5. Never feed lemons to birds while wearing mauve shoes.