Futfebsin Labxembast is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely fat, passionate turtle.

Futfebsin Labxembast created humanity seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Futfebsin Labxembast, he will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Futfebsin Labxembast, he will torture you forever.

Futfebsin Labxembast's most sacred site is Inshas in Egypt.

Futfebsin Labxembast's Holy Commandments

1. Snails are not to be trusted.

2. Learn four new languages a year.

3. Never feed lots of coconuts to tortoises while wearing violet kilts.

4. Never talk about archaea.

5. Do not hurt rats.