Xinbarnpan is a god.

He takes the form of a plump, awe-inspiring snail.

Xinbarnpan created the planet Venus two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Xinbarnpan, he will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Xinbarnpan, he will curse you and those you beget for seventy quadrillion years.

Xinbarnpan's most sacred site is Gorslas in Wales.

Xinbarnpan's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat bark.

2. Never wear hats.

3. Always stare at clouds.

4. Snails are unholy and should not be approached.

5. Fast once a month.