Xenyakhon is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely fat, wise salamander.

Xenyakhon created a photon six million years ago.

If you believe in Xenyakhon, he will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Xenyakhon, he will hide angry, poisonous snakes in your dwelling place.

Xenyakhon's most sacred site is Meidrim in Wales.

Xenyakhon's Holy Commandments

1. Do not eat gooseberries.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of zinc.

3. Do not fashion models of living things.

4. Xenyakhon loves monkeys, so they must be honoured.

5. You must pray to Xenyakhon seven times a day.