Larnvigteen is a god.

He takes the form of an one thousand metre long, unsympathetic squid.

Larnvigteen created energy three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Larnvigteen, he will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Larnvigteen, he will curse you with boils.

Larnvigteen's most sacred site is Dzhanka in Bulgaria.

Larnvigteen's Holy Commandments

1. Do not bounce in public.

2. Always obey Larnvigteen's priests.

3. Do not chop down trees.

4. Always help sick sharks.

5. Never wear skirts.