Cumlabpan is a god.

It takes the form of a very fat, tranquil salamander.

Cumlabpan created an up quark three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Cumlabpan, it will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Cumlabpan, it will hide angry queen hornets in your dwelling place.

Cumlabpan's most sacred site is Anony in Madagascar.

Cumlabpan's Holy Commandments

1. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

3. Never eat peanuts.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of tin.

5. Do not chop down trees.