Tadstafmot Lidyakkan is a god.

She takes the form of a small, unselfish grasshopper.

Tadstafmot Lidyakkan created an atom eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Tadstafmot Lidyakkan, she will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Tadstafmot Lidyakkan, she will turn you into an amoeba.

Tadstafmot Lidyakkan's most sacred site is Poloka in Botswana.

Tadstafmot Lidyakkan's Holy Commandments

1. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

2. Do not wear fawn clothing.

3. Always stare at clouds.

4. Never play with disobedient children.

5. Do not make images of living things.