Mistagpan is a god.

It takes the form of a large, sage hamster.

Mistagpan created Africa seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Mistagpan, it will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Mistagpan, it will destroy your favourite planet.

Mistagpan's most sacred site is Trujillo in Spain.

Mistagpan's Holy Commandments

1. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Run away if six seals approach from the west.

3. Always obey Mistagpan's priests.

4. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

5. Do not kill pigs.