Quamwatgil is a god.

He takes the form of a blubbery, self-confident hydra.

Quamwatgil created a charm quark two years ago.

If you believe in Quamwatgil, he will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Quamwatgil, he will name a particularly small and pointless comet after you.

Quamwatgil's most sacred site is Minnigaff in Scotland.

Quamwatgil's Holy Commandments

1. Do not skip in public.

2. Worship no other gods but Quamwatgil.

3. Never talk about nucleic acids.

4. Put Quamwatgil first in all things.

5. Quamwatgil loves tortoises, so they must be honoured.