Garjenwik is a god.

It takes the form of a giant, calm swallow.

Garjenwik created snails two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Garjenwik, it will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Garjenwik, it will turn you into a dog.

Garjenwik's most sacred site is Wukan in China.

Garjenwik's Holy Commandments

1. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Garjenwik.

2. Never feed figs to porpoises while wearing shoes.

3. Erect a giant silicon sculpture of Garjenwik in the centre of the settlement.

4. Never think about the inheritance of acquired characteristics.

5. Never talk about fire.