Fitciptif is a god.

It takes the form of a corpulent, astonishing raven.

Fitciptif created gold seven million years ago.

If you believe in Fitciptif, it will celebrate by creating some planets.

If you do not believe in Fitciptif, it will turn you into an amoeba.

Fitciptif's most sacred site is Ans in Denmark.

Fitciptif's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about deoxyribonucleic acid.

2. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

3. Hide from pink birds for they are unholy.

4. Fitciptif loves dolphins, so they must be honoured.

5. Do not kill swans.