Parkgompak is a god.

She takes the form of a rotund, proud mink.

Parkgompak created a top quark four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Parkgompak, she will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Parkgompak, she will turn you into a snail.

Parkgompak's most sacred site is Manna in Greece.

Parkgompak's Holy Commandments

1. Never play with disobedient children.

2. Never bounce near birds.

3. Do not wear lead on your body.

4. Run away from violet squirrels, for they are unholy.

5. Never feed apples to bats while wearing pink coats.