Labfuntetti is a god.

It takes the form of a six thousand metre long, resourceful lizard.

Labfuntetti created a Higgs boson eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Labfuntetti, it will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Labfuntetti, it will send twenty two thousand, three hundred, and seventy eight badgers to sort you out.

Labfuntetti's most sacred site is Corsock in Scotland.

Labfuntetti's Holy Commandments

1. Learn six new languages a year.

2. Paint representations of planets on the walls of your dwelling place in gray.

3. Hide if nine squirrels approach from the south.

4. Run away from pink pigs, for they are unholy.

5. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.