Quartgutgon is a god.

He takes the form of a very large, ruthless whale.

Quartgutgon created life three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Quartgutgon, he will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Quartgutgon, he will not invite you to parties.

Quartgutgon's most sacred site is Gadna in Hungary.

Quartgutgon's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray in complete darkness.

2. Draw representations of asteroids on the walls of your dwelling place.

3. Do not shave your chest.

4. Do not dye your hair magenta.

5. Paint representations of planets on the walls of your dwelling place in green.