Sabsiston Flancisstif is a god.

She takes the form of a nine thousand metre long, smart snail.

Sabsiston Flancisstif created the planet Mars nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Sabsiston Flancisstif, she will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Sabsiston Flancisstif, she will try to impress you with trees.

Sabsiston Flancisstif's most sacred site is Pontelandolfo in Italy.

Sabsiston Flancisstif's Holy Commandments

1. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Always help turtles in need.

3. Never write about asteroids.

4. Never think about gravity near shrews while wearing violet hats and balancing three zinc spheres on your legs.

5. Sabsiston Flancisstif loves monkeys, so they must be respected.