Dobhanjab is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely heavy, self-assured snail.

Dobhanjab created Asia eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Dobhanjab, he will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Dobhanjab, he will hide angry, venomous snakes in your dwelling place.

Dobhanjab's most sacred site is Olmarch in Wales.

Dobhanjab's Holy Commandments

1. Put Dobhanjab first in all things.

2. Always wear gray.

3. Never talk about gravity.

4. Never eat bark.

5. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.