Vilceplib Hasbenwod is a god.

She takes the form of an enormous, witless giraffe.

Vilceplib Hasbenwod created a photon seven million years ago.

If you believe in Vilceplib Hasbenwod, she will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Vilceplib Hasbenwod, she will be mildly annoyed.

Vilceplib Hasbenwod's most sacred site is Omaweneno in Botswana.

Vilceplib Hasbenwod's Holy Commandments

1. Always look after injured eagles.

2. Never look in ponds.

3. Squirrels are unholy and should not be approached.

4. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Walk at least eight thousand metres per day.