Rulfotbastpidtifsad is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely large, quiet cyclops-rhinoceros-snail.

Rulfotbastpidtifsad created the Small Magellanic Cloud eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Rulfotbastpidtifsad, he will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Rulfotbastpidtifsad, he will attempt to scare you with floods.

Rulfotbastpidtifsad's most sacred site is Hoddom in Scotland.

Rulfotbastpidtifsad's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about bacteria.

2. Never go into cyan rooms.

3. Learn eight new languages a year.

4. Never hop in the presence of sharks.

5. Do not keep four grasshopers in a large pit.