Lagsomnurtfoss is a god.

It takes the form of a massive, clever porpoise.

Lagsomnurtfoss created Asia three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Lagsomnurtfoss, it will celebrate by creating some universes.

If you do not believe in Lagsomnurtfoss, it will curse you and those you beget for seventy quadrillion years.

Lagsomnurtfoss' most sacred site is Questenberg in Germany.

Lagsomnurtfoss' Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink alcohol.

2. Hide from blue great tits for they are unholy.

3. Do not hurt cats.

4. Never eat lentils.

5. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.