Sittafwip is a god.

She takes the form of a heavy, humorless raccoon.

Sittafwip created the planet Venus five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Sittafwip, she will not care.

If you do not believe in Sittafwip, she will turn you into a dog.

Sittafwip's most sacred site is Khwee in Botswana.

Sittafwip's Holy Commandments

1. Never play with disobedient children.

2. Always look after injured horses.

3. Do not dye your hair purple.

4. Do not wear silicon on your body.

5. Do not chop down trees.