Pakbunzed is a god.

He takes the form of a plump, confident giraffe.

Pakbunzed created Africa five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Pakbunzed, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Pakbunzed, he will strike you with lightening.

Pakbunzed's most sacred site is Qantir in Egypt.

Pakbunzed's Holy Commandments

1. Always make sure there are no great tits in a building before entering it.

2. Always wear magenta.

3. Do not take Pakbunzed's name in vain.

4. Do not dye your hair yellow.

5. Do not listen to heathen tongues.