Pitvedgofyogbifjam is a god.

He takes the form of an enormous, stupid whale.

Pitvedgofyogbifjam created oxygen eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Pitvedgofyogbifjam, he will give you the power of flight.

If you do not believe in Pitvedgofyogbifjam, he will turn you into a giant snail.

Pitvedgofyogbifjam's most sacred site is Hondarribia in Spain.

Pitvedgofyogbifjam's Holy Commandments

1. Run away from indigo rats, for they are unholy.

2. Never talk about fire.

3. Do not kill swans.

4. Draw representations of dwarf planets on the walls of your dwelling place.

5. Always make a point of helping unfortunate frogs.