Gupstik Nigpibjarnraw is a god.

He takes the form of a five hundred metre long, sage salamander.

Gupstik Nigpibjarnraw created dark matter two years ago.

If you believe in Gupstik Nigpibjarnraw, he will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Gupstik Nigpibjarnraw, he will turn you into a sheep.

Gupstik Nigpibjarnraw's most sacred site is Omaweneno in Botswana.

Gupstik Nigpibjarnraw's Holy Commandments

1. Erect a giant zinc sculpture of Gupstik Nigpibjarnraw in the centre of the settlement.

2. Never wear jumpers.

3. You must pray to Gupstik Nigpibjarnraw seven times a day.

4. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

5. Retreat if four cats approach from the south.