Narzannillak Jamyokbest is a god.

She takes the form of a five thousand metre long, deceitful snail.

Narzannillak Jamyokbest created the Sun three billion years ago.

If you believe in Narzannillak Jamyokbest, she will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Narzannillak Jamyokbest, she will send twenty eight swans to peck you to death.

Narzannillak Jamyokbest's most sacred site is Iona in Scotland.

Narzannillak Jamyokbest's Holy Commandments

1. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

2. Do not shave your chest.

3. Do not make images of living things.

4. Do not speak about tomatoes.

5. Worship no other gods but Narzannillak Jamyokbest.