Kapnuttnib is a god.

It takes the form of a slender, duplicitous bear.

Kapnuttnib created light eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Kapnuttnib, it will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Kapnuttnib, it will send you a strongly worded letter.

Kapnuttnib's most sacred site is Karikalampakkam in India.

Kapnuttnib's Holy Commandments

1. Never think ill of sick porpoises.

2. Never run near badgers.

3. Never eat melons.

4. Hide from indigo otters for they are unholy.

5. Always look both ways before crossing roads.