Gesswikcim Nuttjipcen is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely fat, unjust jellyfish.

Gesswikcim Nuttjipcen created dark matter four billion years ago.

If you believe in Gesswikcim Nuttjipcen, he will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Gesswikcim Nuttjipcen, he will turn you into a sheep.

Gesswikcim Nuttjipcen's most sacred site is Bogogobo in Botswana.

Gesswikcim Nuttjipcen's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed lots of carrots to whales while wearing black skirts.

2. Hide from orange turtles for they are unholy.

3. Never talk about fire.

4. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Fast once a month.