Vigflapgum is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely fat, omniscient elephant.

Vigflapgum created the planet Saturn nine million years ago.

If you believe in Vigflapgum, she will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Vigflapgum, she will send three marmosets to sort you out.

Vigflapgum's most sacred site is Wukan in China.

Vigflapgum's Holy Commandments

1. Do not wear brown clothing.

2. Respect your elders.

3. Hide if seven goats approach from the south.

4. Always pray immersed in water.

5. Never talk about eukaryotes.