Japarpjarnmip is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely thin, weak hummingbird.

Japarpjarnmip created the Cigar Galaxy eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Japarpjarnmip, it will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Japarpjarnmip, it will destroy your home planet.

Japarpjarnmip's most sacred site is Grimme in Germany.

Japarpjarnmip's Holy Commandments

1. Whales are not to be trusted.

2. Pigs are unholy and should not be approached.

3. Fast once a month.

4. Do not drink alcohol.

5. Do not commit murder.