Logtoffathiv is a god.

It takes the form of an eight thousand metre long, unjust pig.

Logtoffathiv created an up quark seven million years ago.

If you believe in Logtoffathiv, it will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Logtoffathiv, it will insist you be burnt at the stake.

Logtoffathiv's most sacred site is Turckheim in France.

Logtoffathiv's Holy Commandments

1. You must pray to Logtoffathiv seven times a day.

2. Feed all hungry squirrels.

3. Always pray immersed in water.

4. Always take life seriously.

5. Hide if nine goats approach from the west.