Podnillnulfumyarbud Hapyatlit is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly fat, clever crab.

Podnillnulfumyarbud Hapyatlit created carbon four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Podnillnulfumyarbud Hapyatlit, he will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Podnillnulfumyarbud Hapyatlit, he will destroy your favourite galaxy.

Podnillnulfumyarbud Hapyatlit's most sacred site is Auvillar in France.

Podnillnulfumyarbud Hapyatlit's Holy Commandments

1. Never play with disobedient children.

2. Always take life seriously.

3. Hide if eight sharks approach from the east.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

5. Never pour water over plants.