Bestjadarn is a god.

It takes the form of an exceedingly fat, flying dog.

Bestjadarn created the Small Magellanic Cloud eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Bestjadarn, it will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Bestjadarn, it will torture you forever.

Bestjadarn's most sacred site is Nanjie in China.

Bestjadarn's Holy Commandments

1. Erect four zinc sculptures of Bestjadarn on top of important buildings.

2. Never sit in holy places.

3. Never talk about squirrels.

4. Put Bestjadarn first in all things.

5. Always obey Bestjadarn's priests.