Kimminbarn is a god.

It takes the form of a massive, selfish newt.

Kimminbarn created water four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Kimminbarn, it will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Kimminbarn, it will remove you from existence.

Kimminbarn's most sacred site is Penhale in England.

Kimminbarn's Holy Commandments

1. Learn nine new languages a year.

2. Pray towards the west.

3. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

4. Never talk about thermodynamics near goats while wearing red coats and balancing eight silver spheres on your neck.

5. Never think about electromagnetism near grasshopers while wearing yellow skirts and balancing seven iron spheres on your arms.