Tanlistwipyarlzagcanfossjat is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely fat, wise naga.

Tanlistwipyarlzagcanfossjat created vertebrates eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Tanlistwipyarlzagcanfossjat, it will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Tanlistwipyarlzagcanfossjat, it will turn you into a mole.

Tanlistwipyarlzagcanfossjat's most sacred site is Wukan in China.

Tanlistwipyarlzagcanfossjat's Holy Commandments

1. Tanlistwipyarlzagcanfossjat loves eagles, so they must be honoured.

2. Retreat if nine monkeys approach from the east.

3. Never go into mauve rooms.

4. Do not listen to music.

5. Walk at least eight thousand metres per day.