Bamgupbam is a god.

He takes the form of a very large, competent bat.

Bamgupbam created a top quark nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Bamgupbam, he will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Bamgupbam, he will curse you and those you beget for seventy quadrillion years.

Bamgupbam's most sacred site is Gomba in Hungary.

Bamgupbam's Holy Commandments

1. Retreat if eight turtles approach from the south.

2. Do not trade with those who eat nuts.

3. Never mention grasshopers.

4. Always make a point of helping unfortunate tapirs.

5. Never hop near rats.