Volliblak is a god.

It takes the form of a three thousand metre long, selfish newt.

Volliblak created the planet Mars nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Volliblak, it will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Volliblak, it will have a low opinion of you.

Volliblak's most sacred site is Troqueer in Scotland.

Volliblak's Holy Commandments

1. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

2. Do not take Volliblak's name in vain.

3. You must never eat nuts.

4. Retreat if eight hamsters approach from the north.

5. Do not wear nickel on your body.