Gutnurvin is a god.

He takes the form of a gargantuan, quiet bear.

Gutnurvin created Africa six million years ago.

If you believe in Gutnurvin, he will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Gutnurvin, he will ignore you and hope you go away.

Gutnurvin's most sacred site is Farnetta in Italy.

Gutnurvin's Holy Commandments

1. Learn eight new languages a year.

2. Do not keep seven swans in a large pit.

3. Always take life seriously.

4. Never look in ponds.

5. Paint representations of planets on the walls of your dwelling place in brown.