Nartgudbarnyambess is a god.

He takes the form of a very heavy, grumpy mouse.

Nartgudbarnyambess created the world two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Nartgudbarnyambess, he will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Nartgudbarnyambess, he will boil you in a big pot.

Nartgudbarnyambess' most sacred site is Daraina in Madagascar.

Nartgudbarnyambess' Holy Commandments

1. Do not bounce in public.

2. Nartgudbarnyambess must be the most important thing in your life.

3. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

4. Never talk about fire.

5. Never wear trousers.