Gomparkfon Sterstigbum is a god.

He takes the form of an enormous, all-knowing hyena.

Gomparkfon Sterstigbum created dark energy eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Gomparkfon Sterstigbum, he will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Gomparkfon Sterstigbum, he will send minions to preach to you.

Gomparkfon Sterstigbum's most sacred site is Trujillo in Spain.

Gomparkfon Sterstigbum's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about comets.

2. Never eat green fruit.

3. Never talk about archaea.

4. Do not shave your hands.

5. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Gomparkfon Sterstigbum.