Yartvinraw is a god.

It takes the form of a two thousand metre long, confident jaguar.

Yartvinraw created a down quark five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Yartvinraw, it will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Yartvinraw, it will curse you with boils.

Yartvinraw's most sacred site is Vandet in Denmark.

Yartvinraw's Holy Commandments

1. Do not bounce in public.

2. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

3. Never eat green fruit.

4. Worship no other gods but Yartvinraw.

5. Do not speak about oranges.