Loopdissbugdud is a god.

He takes the form of a giant, selfish seal.

Loopdissbugdud created the Milkyway seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Loopdissbugdud, he will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Loopdissbugdud, he will send four elephants to rub you out.

Loopdissbugdud's most sacred site is Turckheim in France.

Loopdissbugdud's Holy Commandments

1. Run away if five dolphins approach from the south.

2. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

3. Paint representations of planets on the walls of your dwelling place.

4. Never write about bacteria.

5. Never talk about moons.