Tarnarpad is a god.

He takes the form of a blubbery, calm giraffe.

Tarnarpad created a bottom quark two years ago.

If you believe in Tarnarpad, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Tarnarpad, he will turn you into a sparrow.

Tarnarpad's most sacred site is Ulsted in Denmark.

Tarnarpad's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed beans to sharks while wearing gray shoes.

2. Never pour water over plants.

3. Never look in ponds.

4. Run away if three aardvarks approach from the north.

5. Do not laugh in public.