Kikbodvan Bidtongess is a god.

He takes the form of a five hundred metre long, cheerful monkey.

Kikbodvan Bidtongess created an up quark two billion years ago.

If you believe in Kikbodvan Bidtongess, he will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Kikbodvan Bidtongess, he will send three marmosets to sort you out.

Kikbodvan Bidtongess' most sacred site is Ilmola in Finland.

Kikbodvan Bidtongess' Holy Commandments

1. Do not covet oxen.

2. Never play with disobedient children.

3. Walk at least five thousand metres per day.

4. Never hurt porpoises.

5. Do not hurt squirrels.