Quartgenarp is a god.

She takes the form of an enormous, pitiless lizard.

Quartgenarp created snails seven million years ago.

If you believe in Quartgenarp, she will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Quartgenarp, she will name a particularly small and pointless asteroid after you.

Quartgenarp's most sacred site is Nanjie in China.

Quartgenarp's Holy Commandments

1. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

2. Do not wear aluminium on your body.

3. Put Quartgenarp first in all things.

4. Always wear magenta.

5. Always pray in complete darkness.