Bopsogxinvedhanken is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely large, grumpy seal.

Bopsogxinvedhanken created dark matter two million years ago.

If you believe in Bopsogxinvedhanken, he will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Bopsogxinvedhanken, he will attempt to scare you with hail.

Bopsogxinvedhanken's most sacred site is Saint-Sauvan in France.

Bopsogxinvedhanken's Holy Commandments

1. Never wear purple stockings.

2. Never pour water over plants.

3. Do not trade with those who eat figs.

4. Never feed lemons to manatees while wearing scarves.

5. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.